Pick up your Cross

Reflection:

This Labor Day weekend I preached in front of a congregation for the FIRST time. This was NOT college chapel full of people I grew close to over four years, this was NOT my seminary classmates or husband, but a congregation of people I've known for just a few weeks now. Even people who don't go to seminary have done this before! For me it was terrifying. I can't even explain how heavy I felt the burden this weekend of being some sort of "mouth piece" for God.

I feel called to ministry, I know that much, but I do not know how any one ever feels adequate enough to do God's works. I just can't even wrap my mind around it. I can barely even put the clerical collar on without being cursed by thoughts of unworthiness; feeling like I am a fraud.. like 'Sorry God, but I think there are much better people out there to represent you.' But then I am reminded of those whom have been called since the beginning. Moses killed a guy and was bad at public speaking. Jesus was constantly sighing at how even his 12 disciples didn't seem to get his message. And that's just two examples.

No human, then or now, is perfect. How can I preach the Gospel, yet not accept God's grace and love for myself? How can I talk about choosing the "harder" path, picking up our crosses, and not pick up my own? It would be easy to give up. It would be easy to run and find something I was 'better' at.. but Christ is calling.. and I must answer.

In this particular sermon Jesus tells Peter, "Get behind me Satan!" Almost everyone I know read this as Peter trying to tell Jesus what to do and Jesus, more or less reminding Peter that he only takes direction from his Father/God. I read this, however, through my own lense, as a person who struggles with depression and anxiety. I imagined Jesus' response was not out of authority or wanting to 'put Peter in his place,' but came from more of an emotional place.. having wrestled tirelessly with his revelation before sharing it with others. It is important to me that Jesus was truly human, as well as being divine. It is important to me to believe that Jesus is with me and shares in my suffering, because he has literally been there and done that.

How do you work out Jesus' humanity with his divinity? How do you make sense of Jesus being 100% human AND 100% divine?

[SIDE NOTE: I am posting my sermon, NOT because I think it's perfect or even good, but rather for those of you who are following my journey, for those of you who would use it as a conversation piece, and for those of you who like to read theological things for your own personal reflection.]

Here is my first sermon: Gospel reading being discussed - *Matthew 16:21-28*

Last week we heard about Jesus’ disciple, Simon Peter, essentially getting a pat on the back for answering Jesus’ question correctly; “Who do you say that I am?” - “Well Jesus, you are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.” - "Yes Peter! Great Job! And I tell you, you are Peter and on this rock I will build my church.” (Matthew 16:13-20) ...Now, just a few verses later Jesus is yelling at Peter in a manner I can only imagine would have made me cry, if I’m being honest with you. Jesus says to him, “Get behind me, Satan!” and proceeds to call Peter a stumbling block in the path to the kingdom. Peter goes from praised to shamed, from being a foundation to being a stumbling block to the kingdom.

It is apparent to me that humanity is on full display here. Peter is able to proclaim Jesus as the Son of the Living God, because that was revealed to him by God. Now Jesus is revealing to him the suffering that is about to follow and Peter, in great love, will NOT have it. Peter pulls Jesus aside with great concern and pleads with him, 'God forbid it! I cannot bare to see you suffer, there has to be another way!' Peter, like all of us, cannot imagine someone he loves enduring something so horrendous! Questions must be racing through his head, ‘Why!? Why would you have to suffer!? Please God don’t let this be so!’ Peter EXPECTS Jesus to be a different KIND of messiah. The Jews of the day (AKA Peter) had expectations that the coming messiah would be a warrior king like David who would destroy the Roman oppressors and assume the literal position of the King of Kings, Ruler of All! Peter’s expectations are being projected onto Jesus here, saying ‘No Jesus, you don’t have to suffer, you were meant for more, you were meant for royalty and for power!’ But Peter has a narrow view of what the messiah can and must do. And so do we.. We come to worship and we give to the Church expecting that this is what makes us a Christian. But to be a Christian truly isn’t about how many worship services we attend or how much money we donate. Our expectations fall short of the Gospel, just as Peter’s expectations fell short of the true meaning for Jesus’ life.

Jesus is not the messiah everyone expected. Jesus’ power is HIDDEN in the places they would have least expected.. in the cross.. in death. Even though Jesus knew he had to suffer and die for the sake of the world, it seems to me that Jesus’ very human self shows us just how likely he was struggling with his impending death as well. We see Jesus’ struggle to accept his death explicitly in the garden of Gethsemane in Chapter 26: “Deeply grieved” and agitated Jesus falls to the ground and prays to God, “My Father, if it is possible let this cup pass from me.” And today I can’t help but think of that when Jesus fires back at Peter, “Get behind me Satan! You are a stumbling block to me!” I cannot deny there are many ways in which to interpret our Gospel text today, but from my point of view I wonder if Jesus was so defensive with Peter because he too had wrestled with this revelation of his suffering and death for weeks, months, or even years before finally revealing to his disciples that he must undergo such suffering. I can only imagine how much courage it would have taken to reveal this to others whom he knew loved him deeply and how much courage it would take to be at peace himself with such a treacherous path ahead.

Peter’s response reminds Jesus of the world’s expectations of who the messiah is supposed to be and Jesus responds with words he only said once before, during his temptations in the wilderness when Satan tempted him with all the riches of the earth (Matthew 4:10). I don’t believe Jesus meant anything hurtful by calling Peter, Satan, but rather hoped to reveal to Peter that by trying to protect him from suffering Peter was tempting him to choose to save himself rather than to save the whole world. Peter was also tempted not only to protect Jesus, but to protect himself from the pain of a life without his beloved Jesus.. and to protect himself from a world where salvation is found in death rather than winning a war and sitting on a throne. Human temptation is real and so if we proclaim Jesus’ humanity, we must too assume he was tempted... tempted to walk away from the suffering he had to endure, tempted to throw up his hands and say ‘No God this is too much, I’m done!’ But Jesus, as the Son of the Living God, has the ability, the strength to battle through those temptations and keep pressing on, all the while knowing the worst is yet to come. Jesus may want to give in to Peter’s loving pleas, but must fight against them, knowing those thoughts, though well intended, are a stumbling block to the mission toward the kingdom of God; to Jesus’ saving act on the cross. Although it had to have been the hardest thing for Jesus to do, and had to also be the hardest thing for those who loved him to watch, Jesus had to die, he had to do what was right by the world, what was necessary. In my opinion remembering Jesus’ humanity is comforting, how amazing is it that Jesus knows what it’s like to be human and has empathy and compassion for us when we are in times of distress? It is only through Jesus’ death that we are given new life.

I don’t think anyone then or now would have expected their Savior to be someone who was charged as a criminal and sentenced to the death penalty of the day. We read this story now, knowing the ending, knowing that the cross, the Roman version of the electric chair or lethal injection, is our saving grace. But lets just take a second to imagine living in a world, ruled and oppressed by a Roman government who uses such a gruesome and public form of death just to keep people in line, to strike fear in their hearts and entices them to go with the flow.. ‘When in Rome DO as the Roman’s do.’ Now in this oppressive and violent environment you are claiming that one of the “criminals” they put on display is the SAVIOR OF THE WORLD!?!? How insanely foolish would that sound!? Jesus, an outcast.. a counter cultural figure.. a poor Nazarene Jewish boy, seemingly squished like a bug under the giant foot of Rome.. Would you dare to look upon that cross and say, ‘that is my God?’

We glorify the cross, Jesus’ death, knowing the greater purpose it served. We bedazzle crosses, make them big, make them small, wear them around our necks proudly.. But could you imagine going to witness today a ‘criminal’ receiving a lethal injection - put to death by the state - and singing his praises!? Probably not.. we would probably be doing one of two other things.. weeping at the 'criminal’s' feet like Jesus’ mother Mary, or running, hiding, and denying any affiliation with that person like Jesus’ disciples – fearful of our own death, afraid we were wrong about him all along..

We are Peter here, pleading with the one we love not to willfully enter into a situation that will bring suffering and ultimately death. We are Peter “attempting to protect Jesus in order to protect” ourselves (Feasting on the Word). We, like Peter, are full of fear. We want to sit down with Jesus and put some security measures in place; draw up some safety plans similar to today’s fire drill or what to do if there is an active shooter in the building; we want to make sure Jesus knows what to do and has a plan to ESCAPE the cross placed before him. But we are silenced by Jesus who shattered the expectations and societal norms wrongfully placed on him. Jesus doesn’t need our protection, yet rather, Jesus protects and loves us. We cannot stop Jesus from going to the cross.. from loving us and loving our neighbors. Jesus loves us so much that he will stop at nothing, not even death, to save us. Jesus loves us TO DEATH. ..And, he invites us.. to deny ourselves, our expectations, OUR wants/wills/desires for this earthly life and take up OUR cross and follow him; follow him down a trail only he could blaze; follow him down a trail that means accepting our own death, but trusting that in dying we will be born anew into liberation, light, and the coming of the kingdom.

Jesus tells us that following him is not easy! Jesus asks us to give up MORE than our expectations – give up our wealth, positions of power, safety nets, luxuries. None of those earthly things matter! None of those earthly things generate life. In order to pick up our cross and follow Christ we must deny ourselves – deny our fears, our to-do-lists, our quests for personal/professional success, and give ourselves “to the service of others even as Christ gave himself up for the salvation of the world" (Rev. King Duncan). This is going to require risk, pain, vulnerability, failure, and going against the grain. Transitioning from being a ‘fan’ of Jesus into following Jesus will mean living in the world as Jesus did – spending time with the outcasts, the prostitutes, the criminals… leaving our ‘suburban comforts’ and entering into the abandoned places, the ghettos, the ‘red light’ districts.. Following Jesus is risky business.. but being a Christian, a follower of Christ, is NOT a title, it’s a way of life, a way of being.

Our crosses call “us to that sacrificial living beyond ourselves which calls us to die and be raised again in lives that are lived for the sake of the neighbor” (James Boyce/Luther Seminary) It is NOT easy, but it is not a feat we can take up alone. Jesus blazed the trail ahead and promises to walk with us every step of the way.. helping us to hold up our cross and coaching us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have the strength, because that is what God provides. You have the ability, because you are not relying on your human form alone. You are made in the image of God, Jesus looks at you and sees a reflection of himself and he promises he will not abandon you. “Today you will be with me in paradise,” Jesus declares. You will not find yourself on the path alone, for in Christ we find life and we find one another in Christ’s Church/Christ's body on earth.

At the foot of the cross we can lay down our sins, our wrong doings, and our pain… and receive life.. and love.. made possible by Christ’s death on the cross.

Amen.

(I read a lot of Rev. King Duncan during sermon prep. He is wonderful. Check him out.)