Uncomfortable Grace

16th Sunday After Pentecost

Today's readings: Phil. 1:21-30; Matthew 20:1-16

Grace and peace to you in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

In our first reading this morning we heard from the Apostle Paul as he wrote from prison to the Christians in Philippi. This is not the first time nor the last time Paul’s in jail and he is struggling. We hear in his letter today echoes from the later, but well known Shakespearean play Hamlet, “To be or not to be.” Paul is pondering, out loud, his will to live.

Life has not been easy; following Christ has not been easy and he expresses to the Philippians that he is unsure if he wants to keep living or if he just wants to die and be with Christ. Paul concludes that he will keep living for their sake – the sake of his neighbor. He tells the Philippians he is convinced that even though his ‘desire is to depart and be with Christ,’ living ‘is more necessary’ for them. (Phil. 1:21-24)

I find this passage to be very timely, as September happens to be National Suicide Prevention Month. Paul here is clearly wrestling with some suicide ideation, and believe it or not, he is not the first one in the Bible to wrestle with this. Job and the prophet Jeremiah curse the day they were born and wish they had died at birth or never been born at all (Job 3:11; 10:18; Jer. 15:10; 20:14-18). The prophets Jonah and Elijah begged God for death (Jonah 4:3-8; 1 Kings 19:3-4). When King David’s son Absalom died, David cried out to God wishing he died instead of Absalom (2 Samuel 18:33). Ecclesiastes argues that nothing in this life matters and goes so far as to say our day of death is better than the day we were born (Ecc. 7:1). Not to mention the handful of people in our scriptures who we are told DO take their own lives (King Saul, Samson, Ahiphophel, Zimri, a Philippian jailer, and Judas).

Growing up I personally lost five friends to suicide and I know this town is also no stranger to this tragedy. But growing up this also wasn’t something that was talked about in the Church. In fact, when I was fifteen, two of my loved ones took their lives in the same week, which left me feeling particularly hopeless and I soon went to a local pastor. But instead of being comforted I was sternly told to stop crying, for suicide is an unforgivable sin and those who take their own lives don’t deserve our tears.

As some of you know, I didn’t ‘grow up’ in the Church (and perhaps this speaks a bit as to why that is..) but even though the subject is still a bit taboo and holds a lot of stigma and leads us to ask a lot of questions.. I find it extremely important to point out that conversations about suicide and the challenges of living are not unfaithful conversations; in fact these conversations are already in the Bible! It is my hope that the church can go from ‘we don’t talk about that,’ or ‘that sin is too great,’ to ‘I hear you and I see your pain. Did you know that humans have been struggling with this since the beginning of time? God is with you.’

Whether you have lost someone or you yourself have made attempts or even thought about ending your own life, you are not alone. You are not alone in your suffering; you are not irredeemable by God because of your thoughts/feelings. In fact, one can make a long list of people God has used in our scripture who wrestled with the same suffering you are experiencing. God does not love you less, your sin is not greater than your neighbors, and guess what – God is STILL at work in and among you. And if it’s not YOU that needs to hear this message, I pray you can share this message with the person you know that needs to hear it.

To some this may seem confusing. Many of you were perhaps raised to believe like that pastor I encountered believed - Suicide and suicide ideation are unforgivable sins. We don’t talk about it and we just don’t go there. Suicide remains an uncomfortable topic. But I hope you also heard in today’s gospel reading a Word of uncomfortable GRACE.

The workers in Jesus’ parable were comfortable with their society’s version of ‘fair.’ The workers who began their toil in the vineyard at the beginning of the day anticipated they would earn more money than those who began working an hour before quitting time; that is only fair, right? Yet ALL the workers receive the same payment, making the day-long laborers uncomfortable and maybe even a bit furious. The landowner asks them why, since he had paid them what he promised. Why did they care what the others received?

God has made us a promise God intends to keep. This promise extends to ALL of us. Any ideas of ‘fairness’ we attach to the promises of God will fall short. Any attempt to attach a hierarchical system to the GOD’S kingdom will fall short. There is no hierarchy of sin; one sin is no worse than another; and there is no hierarchy among humans – I am not any better or worse than my neighbor. This goes against the way we organize our lives here on earth and therefore makes us uncomfortable and maybe even sometimes furious. It is human nature to want to have the upper hand, the power, to be ‘better than,’ but it is not the way of God; who promises life, grace, forgiveness, liberation, and salvation to ALL.

Theologically speaking, we are citizens of two kingdoms – the kingdom of God and the ‘kingdom’ of the society in which we reside. In many ways we have to play the game of the society in which we live, but we do not have to wait until after death to see the realities of the kingdom of God right here, right now. I see God’s kingdom breaking into our midst when I see people having tough conversations about humanity – like the desire to die. You might be wondering ‘HOW pastor is THAT a glimpse of the kingdom of God here and now!?’ Let me explain.

It is not a good thing to want to die. It is a tragedy, not only to those who love you, but also to God. But God is not absent in those difficult moments, rather God is closer than ever. God is not afraid of the darkness we feel or experience; God enters into it with us. God is fearless in the face of the deepest depths of the human experience. God in Christ descended into the dead, conquered death, and promises to be with us ALWAYS! Subsequently, as followers of Christ, we too are called to enter fearlessly into the depths of each other’s circumstances. Only by entering in can we bring light to the darkness.

In this way, by having these conversations, the kingdom of God IS at hand - for we have chosen to bear one another’s burdens together rather than abandoning one another in fear and THAT is the only path to life and redemption! Many people who take their own lives or ponder it, feel as though they are carrying a weight too heavy to bear or like they have the weight of a millstone around their ankle forcing them to drown… they feel as though they cannot reach out and ask for help because they don’t want to burden another with their burden.. or they simply feel too much shame in admitting their thoughts and feelings. They feel alone, helpless, hopeless. The weight, the burden, only becomes tolerable when we bear it together, as we are called to do.

2020 has been an exceptionally hard year for us all, intensifying these experiences for many and possibly bringing out thoughts, fears, emotions you’ve never had before. If you are struggling, reach out. If someone you know is struggling, reach in. We are called to be in relationship by a God who is in relationship. You are not alone. As Holocaust survivor, Corrie ten Boom says, “There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still.”

This is most certainly true. (Amen.)